Highly Entertaining....

$100/hour

Not a bad deal, huh?

Last night at the BBC was off to a s.l.o.w. start... I had only two tables for the first hour of my shift, netting me a whopping $7 in tips. Then... the power goes out. Sorry, valued customers... no food or drinky drinks for you. We waited around a few minutes thinking the juice would come back on... but not so much. Once the (rather empty) restaurant was cleared of patrons, we had nothing to do but sit and wait. For almost three hours.

What do you do for nearly three hours? Well, first off, you tell the hoards of people looking for someplace to eat (because power was apparently out from Woods Hole through parts of the east side, yo) that you can't help them out. Sorry, lady with the 6:30 reservation. You're gonna have to find somewhere else to go. Sorry, car full of vacationing 20-somethings, no beer for you.

Once you realize the manager isn't letting anyone leave until at least 9 pm, decide you need to get out of the sweltering restaurant and jaunt across the road to the beach.

Ditch your nasty ass sneakers on the retaining wall and take those toesies for a frolic in the unbelievably warm Atlantic ocean. Remind yourself its been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too long since you've spent time at the beach. You live on freaking Cape Cod, for pete's sake. Get your priorities straight and live the life, dude.

Collect sea glass and heart-shaped rocks with friends. Wonder to yourself AGAIN why you don't do this more often. Really. When we were little beach bums, our sea glass collection was ginormous... since when did *real life* get more important that beachin' it??

Rock the self portraits. Realize that you hate Laura for being so freaking photogenic, and Jen for having the bluest eyes on the planet, and Alison for being all tan and sexy-legged. Love them because they're totally willing to mug for you and your baby camera.

(p.s. I got my hair did yesterday... LOVING the supah-dupah blond-ness right now!)

Pass off your camera to a friendly regular customer (thanks, Theresa!) and have her snap a picture of everyone "hardly working". Peep the picture on your camera screen and write a mental not to yourself to wear BLACK pants to work from now on... holy thunder theighs, batman!!

(l-r: matt, laura, kerri, moi, jen, ali-cat)

Take pictures of the sky. First, snap the fluffy clouds, then wait until the sun sets and aim your camera at the orange fireball that is casting an amazing glow over the baseball field across the road.

Check the time. 8:15. Enough is enough, everyone grab a beer. Or glass of wine. Or two. Get ready to think about closing up shop. Make plans to hang out once everyone leaves.

Wait for it..... wait for it......

8:45.

the.power.comes.back.on.

SERIOUSLY?!?!

Pound that beer you just cracked open and get ready for the rush....

... which arrives in .03 seconds.

Run your ass off for an hour. Clean up your tables, do your side work, count your dollars. Realize you just pulled $100 in that crazy hour, and thinkn to yourself it wasn't such a bad night, after all. Why can't every shift be this easy?? ;)

if i can't get the girl, why don't i just tell her i'm john mayer?

I believe i have found (thanks to freaking erin) my new favorite most-quotable gem of a video.....

 

it's not a metaphor, is it? i hate metaphors.

get me the guy who plays whistle on paradise city.

sir, will you watch your language, there is a f*cking baby in the room!

people matter, but celebrities matter more.

no! of course i don't know a super model. nobody knows a super model. him and like, f*ckin' eight other guys know a super model.

listen, i'm gonna need you to do more drugs. i need your despiration for a guitar solo.

See more John Mayer videos at Funny or Die

p.s. i'm totally riding a scooter around the store from now on. and maybe i'll be the only scooter-ing waitress at the BBC. it'll be fab.

validation

Finally, someone recognizes my genius ;)

Thanks, Chez, for the props. You're not so bad yourself. You might be cheap, but you're alright in my book :P

So, I'm supposed to send along the recognition to at least seven other bloggers... so here goes:

freaking erin (because she actually blogged recently... woah) shurkus (because she's the one who got me bloggin')  er (so MAYBE she'll blog again...) breanne (because it's her nirthday month, and i love her)  steph (because she's a freaking genius... love her words, her pics, her outlook) Sarah (becasue she's the coolest and i want to be her camera)  emily ('cause she's way cool and her talent a.m.a.z.e.s. me)  susan ('cause she's back on the bloggin' bandwagon and she has the second cutest dog in the world)  and stacy ('cause she's hot.. and i need some may-jah inspo to get myself on the right track).

I was going to pass on the award to EVERYONE I know that blogs, just to make it harder for those I nominated to pass on the love, but I figured I'd *try* to be a little fair. Just a little. Go check out these ladies and leave them a little love, why doncha??!!

p.s. I did a little ETSY update today... I have a TON of fabric in the dryer right now that was a sweet score from Happy Joan a while back that I think I need to *finally* cut into... be looking for another update soon!

part deux

Did I mention that I had the best time ever on Saturday night?!?! Not only did I get to party with some of the coolest people ever, but I was able to take in a fab.u.lous. show while I was at it.

Ok. Brett Dennen. Not so many people know too much about this guy, but I totaly *heart* his music. I even bought a CD that I already own while at the concert so he could sign it for me. I have never stood in line for an autograph before. Yes, there was the time last year when I stood out in the rain for an hour waiting to catch a glimpse of miss Tori, then ran through Boston Common soaking wet at midnight, but that's completely different ;)

I might have been the ONLY person in our general area of the audience that know the words to any of his songs. I didn't care. I rocked and rolled with the tunes and sang my little heart out. If you know me, I you know there are times I can be really self conscious and aware of what other people think. There are also times when i.just.don't.care. The concert was one of them ;)

Then there was John Mayer himself. While our seats weren't *quite* the spectacular third row versions we rocked at last year's concert, our view was quite nice. And guess what?? There was NO ginormous man standing in front of me this time. I think I would have seriously flipped out if I had to endure another JM concert behind the 7-foot-tall-boyfriend-of-a-john-mayer-fan-who-is-only-at-the-concert-to-make-sure-his-girlfriend-doesn't-try-to-sneak-onto-the-tour-bus.

Two words: FREE FALLIN'.

If you've heard the live cd JM put out at the begining of the month, you KNOW what I'm talking about.

So. my friends, the concert was amazing. I'm not sure we'll ever be able to top the fun ;)

how to have a killer time at a concert, volume 1

  volume 1, tailgate edition.

Actually, none of the pictures I tried to take of the actual concert came out well AT ALL. So, here we go... how to have a killer time at a concert. I'll just make a list, and the next time you go to a concert, you should at least try to achieve three of these elements, ok?!

*park in east bum. haul your cooler full of refreshments all the way across east bum to the VIP parking lot, where the par-tay has been organized. curse crappy parking.

* bring beer *ahem* ginger ale.

*write/ etch your name on your cup, or preferably have someone else do it. it will probably be A LOT funnier that way.

*fill said cup with your beverage. several times.

*pee in the VIP parking lot porta potty. multiple times. hoot and holler your way to the porta potty, yelling that the VIP services are waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better than any other amenities in the whole parking lot.

*pose for friend with camera in porta potty. disregard sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that these photos will likely end up on the interweb.

*take lots of self-portraits. with and without the permission of others.

*realize there are lines forming to get into the concert, and said lines are snaking through the parking lot. get the bright idea to offer refreshments to people standing in line. open a bag of doritos. realize that the people standing in line half way through the parking lot do NOT think you are as funny and/or clever as you do. nobody really wants your chips, man. abandon plan. crush up a handfull of chips and drop them down the front of a friend's shirt. in turn, you get doused with a beer *ahem* ginger ale. think to yourself that you have the better end of the deal. at least your shirt will dry, dorito-girl will have cheesy breasties for the rest of the night ;)

*take a group photo, charllie's angels style. kind of. everyone is actually too out of it to care what the picture looks like by this point in the game.

*** not shown in pictuires***

meats on sticks. or forks. eat some with a friend ;)

extra-juicy pineapple "shots"

yell. loudly. for no real reason.

reply to a text message from someone you've never actually met IRL. instead of merely texting them back, call them up. they should know how much fun YOU are having, shouldn't they?!

make friends with the people around you. that way when your real friends try to deny their actions from the evening later on, you can post a myspace bulletin asking your new friends to vouch for your side of the story.

make a friggin' fool out of yourself by walking around with a cup full of beer on your head and your lime green bra hanging out of your shirt. (there actually ARE photos of this one, but i'm not sharing. unless you have $20 and want to embarass a mutual friend)

laugh. giggle. make lewd gestures with meat. try not to think about the fact that you are still covered with beer, and that security might not let you into the show.

Oh, what a night it was, folks. I'll be back tomorrow with the second installment of the concert update... maybe. If i don't get my a$$ kicked before then ;)

oh, eddie vedder

In celebration of me scoring *hopefully* fantastical tickets to see Eddie Vedder perform at the Opera House in B-town August 1st, I present you with some of my favorite mis-heard lyrics moments from Mr. Mumbles himself....

hey, Stickles!

This one is for you, babe! I know you're gonna fall head over heels in love with it... or maybe you won't, but don't tell me if you hate it. I'm delicate, and fragile, and sensitive. I can't take rejectioni, So please fall in love with the bag, ok? Thanks ;)

I posted a few new bags in ye olde etsy shoppe today. Go check 'em out, why doncha? If you like the mermaid-y bag, there's another one for grabs ovah in tha shop. Plus a beee-u-tiful vintage linnen gag, and a smallish greenish-creamish-greyish little lovely. It will be a little while (read: the end of the week) before I get to bang out any more bags, so enjoy these while you can ;)

p.s. dear jeep jen, i'm not sure if you read this little bit of blog-heaven, but i made your bag, too. it'll be at the store tomorrow. i'll call ya ;)  love, m

p.p.s hey horgan, tomorrow's Wednesday... know what that means?!?!

introducing....

... Miss Ella Grace Eisan. Another sweet babe welcomed into the world a *little* earlier than expected... but happy and healthy and perfect none the less. She looks JUST LIKE HER MAMA. No joke. Complete with matching fingernails and dark eyes and dark hair. One beautiful baby + one proud mama = more love in my world.

Congratulations to Jessica and David and their growing family. I wish you all the best as you continue your journey together as a family, learning and laughing and loving.

So that's it for the baby season. Griff's half brother Sam arrived in May, followed by handsome Mr. Connor and Avery-pants, and now sweet Ella. I have been spending MAJOR time with Tania and the twins, and I'm loving it. I love that I know their little quirks fairly well, and that I can appreciate their little double chins developing from the tiny babes they were only 5 weeks ago. I'm looking forward to watching Ella grow right along with them... freaking her mama out about every cough and twitch and diaper rash ;)

While I don't want to keep drumming up the past, I have to say that I'm pretty proud of myself. I've handled the births of all these babies fairly well, considering my fall and spring  losses. I am at peace with my own situation, and know that when the time is right, I'll get my "turn", too. Bob and I talk about wanting to expand our family, about not wanting to micro-manage everything... about wanting to just let the pieces of our puzzle fall into place when and where they are supposed to. It will happen if it is supposed to.

I had a *little* break down yesterday... realizing that if my fall pregnancy had lasted, we would be looking forward to expecting our bab(ies) on their July 12th due date. Hmph. Not so much, I guess. I pulled myself together rather quickly, with a warning to Bobio that there may be other unprovoked break-downs throughout the week ;)

Life is good, for real. Because, honestly, if I was busy having babies on July 12th, I clearly could not attend the John Mayer/Brett Dennen concert on the same date. I could also not be trying to work out an Eddie Vedder concert on August 1st, followed by Maroon 5/ Counting Crows on August 2nd. And Jack Johnson on August 6th. Yes, it's concert-whore season once again, and I welcome every distracting minute of it!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

ATTENTION: ERIN HORGAN

I think these guys are male versions of you and me. Wait for it... wait for it....

d {<_>} b

Here you are, my friend. July oh eight. And with it comes all the things I love and HATE about summertime.

Love numero uno: cheap beer. Thank you, Bud light, for sponsoring my summer. Love, Melissa.

Love numero dos: dolla dolla bills. Dear tourists nice summertime visitors to Cape Cod, thank you for visiting the BBC. Please remember that I only get paid $2.63/hour, and yes, I DO rely on your graciousness to survive. And by "survive", I mean make enough dollas to pay the bills and have enough moolah left over to pay for summer camp for G and imbibe fabulous mudslides at the Chart Room. Love, your-favorite-waitress.

Love numero tres: flip flops. painted toes. my ipod. tank tops. Smitty's Ice Cream. super-extra-blonde hair.

Love number 4: having time to chill with Griff. He'll be freaking eleven years old at the end of the month... I don't want to miss anything.

Love number 5: lazy afternoons floating in the pool with my Bobio. l.o.v.e. lazy Sundays :)

HATE: muy traffico. I have places to be, people. Get your move on and DON'T make me late for work.

HATE: tired children. **note** this is usually NEVER the child's fault. Please, oh mother of adorable two year old boy, do NOT make your child wait for a table at a restaurant for an hour and be seated at an unreasonable time and expect said child to be happy and smiley. Its just not gonna happen. Take your poor little guy home and let him rest in his own space, not scream in a crowded restaurant. Thank you.

HATE: unattended children. Just because mom and dad are on vacation, doesn't mean they have to be on vacation from watching the kids. Dear mom and dad, thanks for letting your kids roam the crowded restaurant while you are waiting for a table/eating dinner/having a drink at the bar. Little Jimmy has a head full of pasta sauce and the nice lady at table 4 has no dinner because of it.

p.s. you're probably the same folks that let the kids run rampant in the store today. Little Jimmy had a fabulous time playing dominoes with the ruber stamps while you were on the opposite end of the store. Thanks for the extra 30 minutes I spent rearranging stamps after you left.

HATE: *separate checks, please*  dear table of 9, hit up the ATM before you go out to eat. If you wanted a separate check, you could have let me know at the BEGINING OF YOUR MEAL. Thanks for the courtesy (and the crappy tip). love, bitter waitress.

HATE: humidity. enough, already. I'm totally over feeling like I've peed my pants when I get out of the car after my ride home. Oh, and the freaking frizzy hair. I look like Dee Snider. Have fun with that.