Please note that if I don't show up for work at the end of September or October for one of my shifts, it's because my dog ate my schedule.
No joke... I have proof.
Love, Melissa
p.s. I'll have Bob keep his eyes peeled if the missing portion of the schedule "turns up" anywhere...
Dear Belle,
Stop eating my sh!t!!
Love, your mama
Dear Comcast,
Thank you for the enticing "highly entertaining" gift you sent me in this fancy vellum envelope.
How did you know that I was Highly Entertaining?? I know I'm pretty famous, but I didn't think word traveled THAT fast...
Um, but seriously, I believe this mailing might be copyright infringement (if I had copyrighted myself..). You *might" want to have your lawyers look into this.
Sincerely, Melissa
Dear Erin Horgan,
Remember that time I asked you to shake your hair out and make a "sexy face" while shoving my camera in your face at the store???
<--- This is what my fantastical photog-skillzzzzzzzzz can procure...
Yeah, so I pretty much think you could make the cover of FHM or some other manly-mag with this shot. We should try this shot again on the hood of your vette, don't you think??
Definitely myspace-worthy, definitely.
Oh, and I'll waive the session fee for today, but don't think you're gonna keep getting freebies like this all the time.
Bobio and I thought it would be a good idea to take a walk on Sunday.
In the heat and humidity.
At the Cape Cod Canal (with it's fabulous stench of rotting bait that the fishermen discard once their day is done).
With Belle...
.... who sniffs the ground the whole way because it's what she does best, especially when there is the potential to score some rancid bait from beneath a beach-rose buch. Nas-tay, I tell you.
For serious, how stinkin' cute is she, strollin' beside her papa?
The walk wound up being a *bit* shorter than planned. I was freaking exhausted after several days and nights of partying working, playing with paper and famous celebrity scrappers, attending a *fab* concert, and staying up waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too late surfing the net (that means checking emails and stuff).
Apparently Belle was a bit on the weary side, as well. See for yourself:
We made it almost from the BOurne Bridge to the train bridge and back before she completely crapped out on us.
By "crapped out", I mean she threw herself to the pavement and refused to move. Spread eagle, Superman style. No whimpering or whining. Wouldn't lift her head or acknowledge either one of us. d.o.n.e.
A short, multiple choice quiz for you:
This is what happens when your puppy thinks a) it's too hot b) we've been walking for waaaaaaaaaay too long c) enough of this BS, i'm just gonna lay here 'till someone picks me up d) all of the above.
I *think* you probably get the idea.
I offered her some water, which she readily drank, still lying prone on the ground.
Drama queen.
To give her due credit, she did walk quite a distance, and it really was hot. We underestimated the climate and overestimated our ability to keep up with our usual pace.
There were quite a few people around, as we were seriously 20 yards from where the car was parked in the lot at this point. I think her little antics made for a few giggles for the peeps who were nearby.
After drinking the water and resting for a minute, she still wouldn't get up. Not even standing, let alone toughing out the last stretch of walkway to the car.
Because he loves his girla, Papa came to the rescue.
This is my Bobio (wearing his "Optimus Prime says stay in school" tshirt that I so lovingly purchased him for our first anniversary, LOL), carrying the flipping dog like she's a baby... partly because she's still in heat and he didn't want to get her girlie-stuff on his fave shirt, and partly because she really is his baby.
Note: her obscenely large tongue hanging out the side of her mouth. I have really never seen it stick out like that... proof that she really was a hot dog (minus the condiments).
We toted the puppy girl back to the car and cranked the AC... she looked like she was hung over the entire ride home... barely lifting her head off Bobio's lap. Next time we decide to go for a walk, we'll be sure to check out the weather forecast to see what the "doggie exhaustion index" is at, nevermind the barometric pressure or humidity or pollen count.
Oh, Miss Buttons, how you really do rule the roost at this funny farm of ours...
.... there was a girl who rocked the socks off all people she came to meet (especially while in town to teach fantastical classes at everyone's favorite LSS).
She got her scrap on and inspired several dozen lovely ladies to do the same. She made the ladies get painty and messy and love their art.
She was real and laughed and tore up the "dance floor" while Amy Winehouse and Bobby were probably making out somewhere. She hollered for beverages and drank red bull and signed books. She is fabulous. The end.
... Before Beverages and After Beverages, sort of.. if you don't count the ones we drank at the BYOB before heading to the BBC...
Pic #1 from L-R: Shurkus, MelisseR, Erin, JLS (who was probably peeing herself the whole night, I'm pretty sure), Moi, Kristina, and Susan (who is DEFINATELY one-cool-chick ;)
Jayne says Kristina and I could probably be fantastic friends, what with our re-donculous photo-party skills. Note the squinty eyed party girl holler in pic #2... yep, I'm pretty sure we're secret sisters or something.
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.
There really was NO NEED for you to lift your shirt to show your tattoo OF YOUR OWN NAME ON YOUR OWN BODY.
Seriously, who does that??
Oh, that's right, Bobby does.
Weren't we the lucky ones to meet him Friday night? I really think I heard him say the best thing ever:
Bobby: "Not to sound retarded or anything, but..."
Me: "Well then now is a good time to stop".
Poor, poor Bobby. He was just trying to make friends. We were just trying to make fun. I guess the two don't mix....
BEVERAGESSSSSS!!!
Seriously, didn't the waitress know who we were??
Surely we could have entered through the VIP entrance (aka the front door???) had we brought copies of our books with us ;)
We hooted and hollered and otherwisw would have made fools out of ourselves... if anyone had been paying any attention to us at all. Lucky us that we were in our own little crowded-booth world, content to whoop it up at oursleves... watching Amy Winehouse and the girl with the STOOPID dog keychain and the guy with orange sneekers and the pirate shirt wearing guy....
Right now I don't care why you scrapbook. It doesn't really matter...
This quote, if taken out of context (which it pretty much would be if you weren't present at the BYOB...) could make one think that Miss K is a cold, uncaring scrap-wench. Not true.
Note the jazz hands, the flowing golden hair, the painty-handed whimsy with which she twirls?? I think she is secretly a fairy scrap-mother, sent from the underbelly of all things creative, to shine light and illuminate the scrap-tastic possibilities in each and every one of us. I'm not even kidding. I'm going to start leaving unfinished layouts under my pillow in hopes that she'll visit me in the night and work her fantastical creative genius majic on them (but if she's actually going to visit me in the night, I should make sure I have fresh minty gum breath, right Susan??).
<---- This many ladies can't be wrong. The classes were *fab* and so worth the moolah, and the time spent looking for the perfect pictures that will undoubtedly get lost and then you'll have to start all over again with 57 thouasnd pictures of your puppy when she was tiny... and you'll have to make those "work" in books themed "right now" and "why i scrap". Freaking fabulous.
I know there are a ton more obscure weekend references that 'm forgetting to blog about, but then I guess that's really just saving you some aggravation in not understanding a WORD of what I've written about, because you were most likely not in on the action... better pony up next time and join the cool kids club. :)
In other news...
I must announce the winner of my blogtastic (sorry for stealing your catch-phrase, erin!) giveaway...
You have been personally selected (by means of randomly selecting to read this blog today) to take part in a serious trial by jury. YOU are the jury.
Please take this mission seriously, and take all evidence impartially before coming to your final conclusions. Thank you.
Exhibit A: THE COASTER
note:
location of evidence: atop windowsill of bow window in livingroom(only accessible when jumping from floor to recliner to bow window)
condition of evidence: highly damaged, torn and missing cork, covered with slobber
Exhibit B: THE WATCH
note:
location of evidence: livingroom carpet, in front of television
condition of evidence: damaged beyond repair, torn into no less than three pieces, covered with canine tooth marks and soaked with slobber
Exhibit C: THE ACCUSED
note:
location of accused: livingroom carpet, between coffee table and television (in extreme proximity to location of exhibit B)
condition of accused: extremely guilty, sorrowful look upon the face (including the following: droopy ears, downturned puppy-lips, pleading eyes, raised "eyebrows", head cocked slightly to the right), also note pathetic whimpering when initially confronted at the crime scene
Exhibit D: THE SOLITARY ELEPHANT
note:
location of exhibit: kitchen floor
condition of exhibit: slightly damp, as though it had been previously been attended to by the accused, although not slobbery enough to have been lovingly carried about the house as usual (supports the prosecution's case that the accused had acted alone, rejecting the most-loved elephant and opting to make trouble elsewhere)
Please carefully consider all evidence before drawing your final conclusions. Be advised that, should you discuss this case with unrelated parties, that the integrity of the hearing will have been compromised and a mistrial will be declared.
The accused is being held in a secure location, attended by security guards bearing liver treats and squeaky toys.
Deliberations are taking place until midnight, Saturday, at which time ALL verdicts are due. Please do not take your position in this case lightly. Once the verdicts have been tallied, the sentencing process shall begin.
Thank you for your time and attention to all aspects of this case. You are expected to rule in an unbiased manner (so please do not spend too much time focusing on exhibit C, because it will surely sway your verdict on behalf of the defense).
So much to love. Hard. This is what is inspiring me lately... even the KI stuff and that Label Tulip kit that I don't have in my hot little hands (yet). I'm super excited to get my scrap on Friday night @ the BYOB with my girls and the *fantastical* Kristina Contes.
So, what are YOU loving right now? Leave me a comment and I'll choose a winnah (that's "east side" for WINNER) on Saturday.. somebody's gonna get a package FULL of "love"-ly goodies.
Okay, so apparently my post from yesterday was *so* funny that EJ gave herself a *pain* from laughing so hard. HA! Take that, Erin. ;)Unfortunately, my brain function at 12:12 am is not at it's prime, so this post with be *slightly* less entertaining... sorry :(
I can give you a recap of the busy day at the store, or I can drone on about how it took me 1:15 to get from the store to the BBC at 4 pm (<----- wish I had a bumper sticker like this one today...), or I could tell you about the crappy 15% tips I got all night (spoiled by the 20% crowd, I know). Hey, you KNOW my service is worth the 20%, so just pay up, people ;)
I think it's important for you to know that the freaking cricket is chirping somewhere just outside the door. It's probably one of the *most* annoying noises I'll ever have to listen to... the constant chirping drives me BATTY.
A few years ago Bobio bought this foolish noise machine that he would play at night. It looked like a clock/radio thing, but it had different obnoctious noise "soothing sound" settings that would play on a continuous loop for a predetermined length of time (kinda like a reverse alarm clock).
Anyway, Bobio would set the freaking thing to play for an hour or so, and would turn it on when we went to bed. Crickets. Rain. Babbling brook. He loved it. Notice the past tense. I *HATED* the friggin' thing. All I could do was listen to the "white noise" that the contraption emitted, waiting to hear the break in the continuous loop that would annoy meto no end. I got absolutely NO SLEEP because I was too preoccupied in paying attention to how long the recording would last, or trying to predict when the loop would end and start to repeat itself again. UGH!
We wound up getting rid of the thing, I think Bobio passed it on to his bro. Good riddance, I say. I'd much rather listen to my ipod's random playlist while trying to sleep. even a bit of Audioslave would lull me to sleep more so than any freaking cricket ever would. Oh, Chris Cornell, how I love your non-cricket-sounding-voice.
On a completely different note, I believe I may have to make a new cafe press order soon.. I've had a few items in my shopping cart for a few weeks and I think it's soon time to take the plunge... can you guess who they might be for??
Random, yes. Did I really need to share? No. But I'm tired and my people complain if I go more than a day or two without posting.
Speaking of which... if you're one of *those* people, why don't you flippin' leave a comment once in a while? It's good to feel the love every o now and then :P
Seriously, I am so glad that 3 Way (the local liquor store... and yes, it's real name is "three way liquors"... insert your own profane and inappropriate comment here) carries Sunset Wheat for my personal enjoyment. The BBC carries it on draught... it's ususally served with an orange slice. Yum and yum.
Just thought I'd share ;)
Got me a pedicure, yes I did. "Star Nails" was closed (not to self... don't try to get a pedi on Sunday when your local nail place is closed...) so I had to travel to the ghetto nail place where they tried to use a power tool on my feet. I said no. Get that effing dremel tool away from my tootsies. She *tried* to tell me that they use it on all customers. Um, yeah. That's the freaking problem, my friend. No power tools, please. **please note** my feet are NOT funk-tastic. There was absolutely NO NEED to break out the heavy machinery for my service **
The end result was pretty fantastic... it looks like a smurf exploded across my feet. i *love* it.
Bobio scored himself a *new* toy, although I believe I am *quite* enough entertainment for the family, but I digress.
The twin (did you all know my Bobio is a twin??) bought a gas powered RC car and decided he needed to upgrade, so Bobio purchased the not-even-two-week-old piece of machinery off his bro for an excellent price (or so I'm told). He's all about zipping it up and down the road infront of the house... we thought maybe if Crystal and Scott ever need to borrow flour or sugar (and if I actually had any in the house) we'd just strap it to the top of the car and send it on over ;)
Seriously, though... this littel thing screams. I'm not sure exactly how fast it can go, but it would probably leave the Saturn in the dust. And the Bronco, 'cause we all know that any trip in the Bronco will assuredly require a call to AAA.
I took this picture of Bobio and he said it better not go on the blog. I responded:
"But the blog is my life!!"
... and he laughed at me. Good enough, I say. If you know that every picture I take is potential blog material, thou shalt not go about making faces that could be included in the "margarita porn" book.
Honestly, would YOU make faces like this if you knew I had a camera in my hand?? Probably not, because you KNOW that I'm trouble.
Heh.
Miss Buttons was a very good girlie this weekend, so she was rewarded with a visit from her friend, Brady.
I caught some *ahem* action on video, but it has been deemed "slightly inappropriate" by the owners of the subjects involved. Namely myself and Tania.
Um, yeah, so Brady got his hump on with my little girl.
Good thing he's fixed, and that the "goods" weren't really in working order. I wasn't out to capture footage of the event, seriously. I was trying to get video of Belle totally lapping Brady around the yard... he's a bit older than her and a *tad* out of shape, i guess, 'cause Belle was completely SMOKING him around the pool. Poor guy.
Miss Belle and Mr. Brady sat nicely in anticipation of liver treats.
They go well with the Leinie's Sunset Wheat, ya know. ;)
Belle had a fantastical time with Brady... and was completely exhaused after our company left. I dodn't think they had left the end of the road before she had hopped up onto the couch and curled herself up for a snooze.
Next time we'll have to invite Homer and LuLu over with their momma and poppa... maybe a cook out is in order to celebrate the end of summer the fantastical month of August?? ;)
Speaking of LuLu's momma... can I just say that Crystal rocks?? Tania had the bright idea to partake in dinner and a movie on Friday night (sorry, Scott!!!!)... so we all trucked to the 9s (the 99, people, get with the program) to enjoy a fabulouso dinner followed by a movie. This is where the fantasticalness begins. Because Josh is cheap concientious of overspending on concession stand goodies, we stopped at a convenience store before the movie to stock up on sugar.
First, it was about a thousand degrees in the store, so the chocolate we purchased was nice and squishy. g.r.o.s.s. Second, Crystal is a lunatic for buying scratch cards and candy cigarettes. Third, Crystal is a lucky b*tch for winning $100 on said scratch ticket. Fourth, we were ALL lucky b*tches, because Crystal shared the weatlth and sprung for the movie tickets. *sweet*
IS SHE NOT THE MOST FREAKING ADORABLE THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE??!!!!!!
Well, I should hope so!
I finally figured out how to capture the "belle head tilt" on camera... I have to sit a few feet away from her and howl like a beagle. Seriously. I have to howl at my dog top make her be cute long enough to snap a picture. If I try to catch her in the act of being cute, she gets way preocccupied with trying to EAT the camera, or lick it or sniff it. Most of my attempted close-up-belle-photos are of the inside of her nose. Not *quite* as adorable as her little squishy puppy face. She should be in magazines with this girlie pose, don't you think??
We girlies went for a walk this morning, in the *crisp* August air :) She had no idea what to think about the blowing wind and leaves and shadows moving across the ground... her puppy senses were seriously on overdrive for the first part of the walk. After her sniffer tired out, she slowed down a bit, and was great strolling company.
While Bobio and I both worked today, Miss Buttons was fortunate enough to be visited by our neighbors (and friends) Scott and Crystal, and their dogs Homer and Lulu. They ran and played and humped each other... and Belle peed all over Scott, or so I am told. Never fear, there shall be no procreating. Homer and Lulu are "fixed", and Miss Buttons shall soon meet the same fate ;)
Ah, to have the life of this little girlie... oohed and ahhed over by countless adoring peoples, spoiled with snuggles and games of tug-of-war and belly rubs and treats and walks through the neighborhood... napping all day and lounging with the family all evening.
Too bad ONE of us in this family has to be FAMOUS and earn tons of money with which to support the treat-loving puppy. ;)
The new blog banner? And the new profile pic? Added by your one and only favorite LSS manager, Jenn Shurkus. Yep, she hijacked the blogiola and worked her digital magic. Hey, for the monthly fee I pay to be her bff, it's gotta have some sort of benefit, right?? ;)
In other news, I totally got my scrap on yesterday, although the pictures didn't turn out nearly as well as the originals look, but I'll post anyway and see what you think :)
Lots of layouts about my Jen (and her cute hubby... don't you think??!!). I don't have any decent pictures of myself to scrap, mainly because I'm the least photogenic person you're likely to ever meet (or not). Seriously... I have a long, oddly shaped nose - profile pictures of me SUCK hose water - i have uneven skin tone, and I guess I just don't know how to properly pose/smile/not look like an f*ing idiot when someone is on the other side of the camera. Oh, well. I guess we'll just stick with the re-donculous oh-look-at-melissa-and-her-silly-faces pictures for a while. C'est la vie!
Dear Jayne,
Dear Comcast,
