dude. catwalk. seriously.

ok.

for real.

(((deep breath))

Yesterday I sat my rear end at my desk and started a layout that has been brewing in my little mind for a while now. I had just the right picture, with just the right concept twirling and swirling around it. I just had to wait for the right time to put all the pieces together. I guess it seemed like the right time. I was ready. Get it out. Do it. Make it.

Life played a wicked joke on me, and sometimes I feel like I'm over it, and other times I feel like I'm caught in the middle of a tornado. I would say the ratio is somewhere around 75-25, with the good days on top.

Lately I've been struggling with emotions that I don't want to have. Feeling things I don't want to feel. Dealing with them in ways that i don't want to. One of my biggest fears from the very beginning of this whole mess of a situation has totally come to fruition, and I don't like it. I've fought it, and I'm still trying to figure out how to balance the healing with the pain and the hurt and the confusion. I feel like I am letting important people slip away from me because I can't bring myself to be around them. I am doing this to myself. It isn't right. I know it. It's not their fault.

*sigh*

Anyway... I completed the layout after a very long time... letting a few tears fall, not forcing any sort of "creativity", thinking and breathing and letting the page just happen, using lots of scrappy stuff I don't usually reach for. Little bits and pieces layered themselves and it all just kind of came together. Had a mind of it's own.

So I uploaded the layout to my SIStv portfolio like I typically do when I've completed a bunch of pages. I wrote a little comment about not caring if a single person left a comment about the layout. Usually it's great to hear words of encouragement or praise about a job well done, even constructive criticism is appreciated. onestly, I didn't care about getting a single stitch of noteriety about this layout. I almost didn't even ulpoad it, but figured it's a piece of me and I might as well add it to the bunch.

Fast forward to this evening. I was working at the BC when Sarah told me I had a phone call, and no, it wasn't Bob. I always get a little freaked when someone calls me at work, because it NEVER happens. Griff was on his way home from Florida this evening, and I immediately thought the worst.

No worries. It was the fatastic {creative chick}, Christy, calling to let me know that THE layout made The Catwalk at SISTV.

1. I can't believe she was awesome enough to call me at work to spill the beans.

2. I totally owe her a margarita at Sam Diegos.

3. I still can't believe I made the Catwalk.

Alright, I know that you non-scrappy blog readers (ahem, ALISON) might not get that this is a pretty big deal for me, but it is.

While I'm totally honored that the page was chosen out of thousands this week, I have to admit that I don't quite know how to feel about it. I guess it's pretty amazing that my work struck a chord with one of the "powers that be", and that she felt the need to call attention to it in such a positive way. I don't feel like I've been invaded personally, because I'm the one who put it all out there. I guess it's just that the one time I really did something just for me, it turned out like this.

There are a million funny comments I could make about being an interweb celebrity (and I did joke about that with a few people when I was on my initial oh-my-gawd-i'm-freaking-famous-on-a-scrapbooking-website high)... but I won't.

Maybe tomorrow.

Right now I'm just going to let it be what it is, and breathe a little easier knowing that the end result worked out in my favor in more ways than one. I got my share of paper therapy, as well as a good dose of reality-check therapy while putting the layout together. I also got some fab recognition from a super talented girlie who felt it was appropriate to share my piece of the scrappy world with tons of other talented and equally cool chicks.

I'm a lucky girl.

Comments

[jenn]

soooo freakin awesome!!! congrats hun, you deserve it :)

[~liz]

I'm sorry for your loss =(

I can see how it made the catwalk though. Excellent work. From the factured way you used your picture, the way the word "down" is a focal point and the use of spiral to illustrate a "down"ward spiral that you are feeling. In a word...raw... I'm not even gonna try and make you feel better. Not even gonna tell you I can identify with you... I can't... I've never lost a child like that...I've lost just about everything else at one point or another but not that.... Just know that it does get better (empty words when you are in the throes of mourning I know) Just (hugs) that's all I can do....

[Julie G]

hugs to you... for both your heart and your lovely talent.

[KP]

Hey-

This layout is beautiful, from the writing to the design to the execution. It's cool to see you being able to really draw from your personality and your personal experiences as you bring things to life on paper. I'm glad you've found an outlet that suits you so well. There's a lot of life held in your work and your energy comes across really strong. I always love looking at your layouts and other projects.

I'm proud of you!

-KP

[JLS]

Congrats on the catwalk. I saw this LO when you posted it there, even though I hadn't visited the sis site for MONTHS. I think it's wonderful that you can make these pieces of art to help you along your days.

[EJ]

Oh boy oh boy I've almost run out of tissues, I think Julie G sums it up hugs for your heart and your talent. I know it's very trite but it is amazing how things work out ......

[Joanie]

Melissa,
I am not a Blogger, nor do I usually read them on a daily basis. I haven't checked yours for weeks...sorry...but this layout is so beautiful, and I hope it was, in some way, therapeutic (sp?) for you!
HUGS
Even tho' I don't check in much, I do care about you and how you're doing.
Joanie