My sweet Sadie has had infected ears since February. FEBRUARY. Most of the time she has been her chipper, sassy naughty self... bright eyed and fun loving and ready to torment her big sister at any moment. Thats my girl :)
This poor baby has been through five different antibiotic treatments, attempts at modifying her diet, and finally a round of super-duper anitbiotic injections, which she has had to endure for three days in a row. You would think that she would shriek on horror every time we pull in to the parking lot at the pediatrician's office. You would think that she would recoil at the sight of a sympathetic faced woman in scrubs wearing a stethescope. You would think she would want to high tail it out of the office as soon as she could.
Not my girl.
My girl sings in the car on the way to the doctor's office. She smiles and waves "hi" to the nurses and kind ladies at the registration desk. She plays with the baby dolls and rocking horse in the waiting room. She points at the different animals on the wallpaper borders of the exam rooms.
She *freaks out* when Dr. Shea listens to her breathing with the stethoscope and looks into her ears. She *FREAKS OUT* when she receives an injection from Janis, the nurse who has taken quite a liking to her. Then she puts her head on mama's shoulder and cries. And mama holds her tight and fights back her own tears, knowing that all the distress and pain will be forgotten by the time we walk back to the waiting room. And it does.
My girl waves to Shirley, the receptionist who checks us out and schedules our next appointment to check up on those ears in a few weeks. She pushes the toy trains along the tracks and bangs pots and pans on the play kitchen while mama packs our things back into the diaper bag. She waves a sweetly subdued "bye! bye!" to the staff as we leave the office, heading home to snuggle our way through the evening until she melts sleepily into my arms.
We are lucky to have a relatively healthy family. We are lucky to have medical providers who care for us, who know us by name and treat my baby girl with gentleness and try to comfort her with sympathetic eyes and smiles... who understand that this mama is overwhelmed with hurt for her little girl, and the tears that escape from behind eyes that are trying desperately to be strong for this little person who looks to us to protect and keep her safe.
I hate to see my little girl in pain. I want to be the sponge that absorbs all the hurt she will ever feel... physical, mental, emotional. I want her to know mama loves her, and all this dragging her to be poked and prodded on a weekly basis is to help her feel better.
My girl is a trooper. My girl is teaching me more and more about love and devotion and compassion than I've ever thought I would know. And she has no idea she's doing it. While I strive to be the one who protects and teaches her, she is the one teaching me what it means to love and be loved.
Get better soon, little lady. Please.
I feel your pain Melissa, my son now 25, went through that same thing and at 16 months, he had his first set of tubes put in....a relief until they fell out. Long story short, he's had 4 sets and as an adult, had surgery to repair all the scaring. He still has trouble hearing. Now I dont' know if the tubes were worth it.
Your heart stings so much, I know. I remember him screaming when the Dr. came near him, but he grew up and learned to love the Dr. He still remembers how he use to "make his belly button squeek." lol
Your a wonderful mom and she will be better.
Posted by: Brenda | May 11, 2012 at 03:32 PM
You are an amazing mom! With mothers day around the corner you put into words the wonderful relationship between mother and child. You have a true gift for words and a true gift for parenting!
Have a great day tomorrow and I hope your little angel is better soon!
Posted by: julie gammon | May 12, 2012 at 07:00 AM
You continually amaze me with your wonderful ability to
put into words your feelings along the winding path of parenthood. You are a terrific mother and all your children are a tribute to you and Bob.
i hope that you have had a great Mother's Day and that Sadie soon recovers from her ear infections.
Posted by: EJ | May 13, 2012 at 08:24 PM
That made me cry. I am sniffling right now! You are an amazing writer! I feel your pain too; I hate to see my baby girl hurting. I hope the doctors are able to find a permanent solution for her ear infections :(
Posted by: Kristy Mutchler | May 14, 2012 at 01:53 PM
What else can make you hurt as much as your child's pain. With four I totally understand! We have dealt with so much stress over our grandchildren with heart problems and now with my son discovering that at 20 he already has one I totally feel your pain. HUGS!
Posted by: Debbie Standard | May 22, 2012 at 09:53 PM